Now, let us return to the relative present. It is a hot, muggy day in the rather decrepit city of Santo Domingo, the capital city of the Dominican Republic on an island which is known as Hispaniola. The date is October 12th, Columbus Day; a certain obscure jurist has, against a travel agent's advice, taken a cheap cruise of the Caribbean on a rather shaggy vessel that has broken down in Santo Domingo harbor. What is there to see in Santo Domingo, he asks a taxi driver. "Ah, señor, there is a revolution in process and one can go to watch the sniping and the executions." Naw! "Ah señor, there is the tomb of Christopher Columbus," says the taxi driver, offering an alternative. What a fine way to observe Columbus Day proceed forthwith, the obscure jurist directs. It is there, right in the middle of town. A grand edifice in concept, but rather shabby in execution. And in the center is the sarcophagus containing the remains of Christopher Columbus, the great Admiral of the Ocean Sea, the guy who proved that the world was round. ''The discoverer of America,'' says a huge inscription over the central arch.
''Hmmmmm,'' speculates the obscure jurist. He has heard of the controversy and of the claims regarding Leif Erickson. ''I wonder,'' he says aloud. As he continues to speculate and muse and stare at the inscription on the great arch, there is a strange crackle in the air. It suddenly turns cold. Ominous clouds quickly gather over the mausoleum; dark, ugly clouds, loaded with moisture. And then comes a clap of thunder and a dazzling lightning bolt streaks down through a jagged opening in what is now a boiling, swirling mass of sky. And then there is a sudden shaft of brilliant sunlight and the obscure jurist peers aloft into a grand chasm in the sky, brilliantly lit. The entrance to Valhalla, domain of the souls of the Vikings? The final destination of Leif Erickson? And then a violent gust of wind careens down from on high, carrying with it a great stentorian utterance. Hogwash is the utterance. The accent is ancient and emphatically Nordic.
I take my license here tonight from that mystical occurrence for I was the obscure jurist. So Leif, what do you say? Did I straighten these folks out? Listen! [Hand to ear looking aloft.] Listen! Did you hear him? He said, ''Mange takk.'' That means ''many thanks'' in Norwegian.
I do not mean by this harangue to dishonor the memory of Christopher Columbus, and since October 9th, Columbus Day, is a very welcome court holiday, I am reluctant to tread further on treacherous ground. Governor Deukmejian may hear this and he is not much in favor of court holidays, feeling that we should all work harder and reduce the backlog.
So, let us be pragmatic and may Columbus Day always be a court holiday and may there be many grand Columbus Day celebrations as the years go by on the part of the Italian American Lawyers Association, and may they always invite me to eat the mustacciola and chicken and drink the fine wines and enjoy the speechifying. For it is a grand and lively organization. Thank you for your kind attention. ''Mange takk.''
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